Simple Guidelines for Writing a Perfect Eulogy for a Mother

Giving the eulogy for your mother is an especially poignant and emotional task. This is the woman who gave birth to you, who gave you life, and whatever ups and downs there may have been in your relationship since, that is something utterly unique in your life.

Your emotions are likely to run high, so having your mother’s eulogy carefully planned is a good idea, and you may want to write it out word-for-word. This way you won’t have to worry about missing things out or forgetting what you want to say, and also in the unlikely event you did find yourself unable to carry on reading, you could hand it over and ask someone else to finish on your behalf.

But while writing the eulogy for your mother is particularly emotive, it can also be relatively trouble-free if you follow some simple guidelines.

The first is to write and speak from your heart. Don’t be afraid of emotion, just say what there is to say. Secondly, include personal memories and stories – both yours and those of others. And these stories can be funny – it’s perfectly okay for there to be fond laughter at a funeral. Third, tell things in broadly the order they happened, starting with her early life, and moving on to her later years. And fourth, end – or start – by thanking people for coming.

The following real-life eulogy – taken from the downloadable guide How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps – illustrates these four principles. You can read more about the guide here.

“Molly Eloise Cooke was born on 4th October 1910 in Leyton, East London. Molly was the third of five children: George, Edna, Molly, and then rather later Pat and Stella, who are both here today.

Molly was a bright pupil at school and was proud to win a scholarship to Stratford Grammar School for Girls, aged 11. Molly successfully completed her matriculation when she was 17 and soon after that she began work in the accounts department at the prestigious Oxford Street Department store Selfridges.

Molly made friends readily – she was attentive and loyal. Amongst friends from these times were Charlotte, Jean, Molly, Alexandra and Rachel, and in turn their children, some of whom are here today. Molly led an active life, enjoying dancing, playing tennis and holidaying at some of the earliest holiday camps. She became expert in needlework and made wonderful clothes for herself and others (and much later for me as a young child).

Shortly before the war she went to work for a leading wine merchants in central London and continued through the early Blitz, sometimes climbing over rubble to reach her office. In 1940 she joined the fire service, working in the control room at Acton. Here she met Alfie who had signed up as a fireman at the outbreak of war rather than be conscripted into the armed services. They married in August 1942 and lived locally in rented accommodation.

Molly had joined the Cooke family which became extremely important to her. Alfie’s parents lived in Brighton and were bringing up his daughter Sylvia from a very brief earlier marriage, Sylvia was then aged 12. Although they never lived as a family, Sylvia grew close to Molly and came to regard her as Mum – in many respects they shared a similar appearance and interests. In 1953 Sylvia was swept off to America by her husband Robert, who had been based with the USAF near Brighton. However, they were always in contact and fortunately Sylvia and Robert stayed with us for two weeks just before Molly died.

She was also very attached to Alfie’s mother who lived in Brighton into her late ‘80s and provided a regular base for family holidays. Molly was also very fond of Alfie’s younger brother Jack and his wife Fran. Fran is too frail to join us today but we are fortunate that her elder daughter Veronica can be with us.

I was born in February 1948 although Molly had previously given birth to twins, John and Ella, who survived only a few days in 1945. The family moved to a new council house in 1952 at Loughton. Here Molly established close friendships with neighbors including Pauline Hayworth, Sybil Williams and Joanne Knight, and their children as well. Again, these relationships have continued right up until the present.

In 1959 I started at Stratford Grammar School for Boys, fulfilling a cherished ambition for my parents. In 1962 the family returned to live in Leyton where Alfie was closer to his workplace and Molly was near to her mother and sisters. Alfie developed an interest in bowling and both enjoyed socializing at the local club.

Sadly Alfie died in February 1965 aged 59. With me about to take my A-levels, Molly coped bravely and remained working full-time. At some point after the move to Leyton she had found work locally and held several responsible posts doing company accounts. To obtain the last of these posts she told a white lie about her age because she was over 60, but she then continued to work for the company until she was 68!

In 1968 Molly traveled to the USA for the first time with me to visit Sylvia and Robert. She subsequently made several unaccompanied visits to America and even to Turkey when Sylvia and Robert were living there.

Molly was delighted when I met Amanda in 1972 and then married in May 1974. She joined a larger family and became very fond of Amanda’s parents Enid and Frank. Molly was overjoyed to become a grandmother when Dominic was born in 1976 and Luke in 1978. It was a complete surprise when her old friend Rachel generously bequeathed her flat to Molly in 1979. With the funds, Molly was able to buy a flat in Cardiff and move to be near her grandsons, so beginning a period which Molly described as the happiest in her life. She was always busy and active. She supported Amanda and the children, giving Amanda the time to be a City Councilor for 16 years. Molly herself was active in local politics, where she met Siobhan Thomas with whom she would regularly put the world to rights.

Molly’s old friends and their children often took the opportunity to visit Cardiff and her flat with the wonderful view. She was always in close contact with her three sisters and kept the telephone companies busy! The boys would stay and be treated like princes with choices of meals and assortments of cakes. She never missed their events at school, their concerts or their stage shows.

She sailed through 80 but inevitably her age and health slowed her down and she was annoyed with herself that she could not do everything at the same pace as before. Nevertheless, others regarded her energy and zest for life as remarkable. In April 1998 Amanda and I encouraged her to move to the comfort and security of Tredegar Court where she rapidly became a lively member of the community. She enthusiastically supported the group activities, regular tea parties, occasional outings and welcomed new residents.

Molly made light of her significant health problems. Her worst fears were of losing her independence and her ability to do what she enjoyed most – reading, cooking, shopping and socializing. The small stroke she suffered two months ago sapped her energy and she was very conscious that her days were drawing in.

When Molly left us it was much as she might have wished – quickly, without suffering and at a time when she was still cheerful and capable. She died of a heart attack late on Monday June 11th. That evening she had cooked a roast dinner for Dominic, had spoken to me in Washington where I was with Amanda visiting Luke, and had also chatted to Sylvia in Michigan. She had enjoyed another Labour victory at the election and was looking forward to Luke’s interview with the BBC in a few days.

Everyone here today was important to Molly and I thank you for coming to share in a celebration of her long and very full life.”

For more information on my downloadable guide How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps, complete with examples eulogies, poems, quotations, public speaking tips and money-back satisfaction guarantee, click here.

To buy the guide straight away, click here.