A Eulogy for a Friend – Saying Farewell in the Most Poignant of Ways

Writing a eulogy for a friend can at first seem even trickier than writing for a relative. And yet it is an extremely rewarding thing to do with the right guidance.

For a start, you will probably have a different perspective to the family on the person who has died. After all, few of us behave exactly the same in front of our parents as we do with our friends, so you may have a seen a side of them that even the closest family members have not. This in itself will make your contribution all the more appreciated and valuable. And yes, there is room for laughter as well as sadness at a funeral, so tales of funny things you got up to can be perfect – if you’re in doubt as to the suitability of an anecdote, run it by someone whose opinion you trust.

Basically there are two kinds of eulogy – the comprehensive “biography” which tells a brief story of someone’s life, and the “personal view” which tells of specific incidents or memories, often from your own individual perspective.

If you have been asked to deliver the main or only eulogy, you may decide to talk about all aspects of your friend’s life, and ask for input from other people on things to include.

Whereas if you are giving your own personal perspective, sharing your experience of the person in the way you knew them, then simply speaking from your heart may be the easiest thing. This can be very poignant and touching, especially if you write as if speaking directly to your friend, e.g. “I’ll always remember the time that you said… …and the things that you did when we…”

To give you some ideas, here is an illustration of a “personal view” eulogy for a friend from my guide How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps, which gives you all need to choose the kind of eulogy you want to give, to put it together and to deliver it successfully on the day. (Some details have been removed at the request of the author, but the structure remains and will be useful to you, I’m sure.)

“John and I have known each other for a long time. As Mary [daughter who spoke earlier] said, we grew up together in Bristol during the war, and he has been a special friend to me ever since.

You’ve already heard about the time when we were lads and he gave me a lift back from Bath on his bike, and then a lift back to Bath the next day. And that was just one story, I could tell you a whole lot more. Like the time when… [tell story]

After the war, when John left for Canada I was very sad to see him go, and I made a promise that I’d follow him out later, when the time was right. He kept me updated with his letters, and when he settled in Los Angeles and met Monica and had the kids, my determination doubled, and off I went.

Well, moving to a new country is always hard, but John made it easy for me. He and Monica welcomed me into their lives in LA, introduced me to their friends, and really helped me settle down. Since then of course we’ve enjoyed many wonderful times. I’ll always remember the day that…[tell story]

And as Monica says, John was a fun guy to be around. One of her best memories is how he used to keep her doubled over with laughter when we went to… [tell story]

Real friendship is a precious thing. For me, John was the best friend you could hope for. He was always there with a helping hand, always loyal, and always reliable. And, for that, I will remember him, and be forever grateful.”

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