Well-Written Funeral Speeches Make for a Truly Personal Goodbye – One that is Healing for All Who Are There

Funeral speeches – or eulogies, as they are often known – can be one of the most stressful speeches to give, but also one of the most rewarding.

On the one hand you will probably be feeling a lot of emotion, and clearly it’s a big responsibility to give such an important speech. After all, it’s essential that you get it right and don’t make any embarrassing mistakes. But on the other hand your “audience” will be completely supportive of you and everyone will want you to do well. There will be such a feeling of love in the room – sadness, yes, but also love – that rather than judging your performance, people will be tend to be appreciative of whatever you say. And they will also be grateful, because your speech will be what makes the funeral personal. You will be giving them the chance to fully remember someone they cared deeply about, and who you are all gathered to say goodbye to. This is such a valuable part of the grieving process, and you will be helping people to feel their emotions, connect with the love they have for the person who’s died, and begin the healing process.

Over the years I’ve spoken at over 100 funerals – both in my role as a Funeral Presider (taking the role traditionally filled by the priest), and of course when members of my own family have left us – and I am always touched by the ways people express their love, and pull together and support each other.

And I’ve also learned that there are some simple steps which you can follow, to make writing and giving a funeral speech, or eulogy, relatively straightforward and easy. If you want to read more about my downloadable guide, How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps, you can do so here.

Here is a eulogy from the book, which was one of two speeches delivered at Janet’s funeral. I trust you find it an inspiration.

“Auntie Jan was a wonderful lady. Today we say farewell to her physical presence amongst us.

Farewells in whatever context are sad. Because of the sadness of this occasion I initially doubted whether I could say anything. However, when I thought about it, I appreciated that our sadness can go hand in hand with some happiness, and a sense of joy that Auntie Jan at the end achieved what she wanted. And that was to leave us at this time, with her mind as always clear thinking, knowing that her body was letting her down, and that because of this her independence would go, which is what she dreaded more than anything.

So I feel she chose her time to depart, and it happened. It was right. But as she slipped away I hope she knew that in fact by memory she will be forever alive, forever in our thoughts, influencing us as we go about our daily lives.

In a few minutes what can one say about a life spanning 95 years, almost a century?

Queen Victoria died in 1901. Auntie Jan was born five years later – into a world so different from today. Slow, dignified, elegant, respectful – these qualities were to affect her standards for the rest of her life. Through two wars, peace, turmoil, excitement, dramatic progress. Auntie Jan saw it all. She coped with adversity, she contributed, she progressed, she adapted and moved with the times – to the extent that when it came to fashion, current events, sports – especially golf and snooker – she could be way ahead of those of us more than 30 years her junior. It was one reason she loved to hear from and about the younger generation in the family – they were more knowledgeable of what was trendy.

She was deeply appreciative of the visits from Frances (a very special supporter), Justine, Amanda, and from Lorraine and Patricia, and always wanted to know what they were about, how they were faring. Because no doubt she was lonely, but would never admit to it – inevitable, at 95 so many of her friends no longer being around.

Jan loved to tell people having reached her 90s that she had been a very “delicate” child. She said that in comparison to her brother (my father) and her sister Auntie Edna (Laura’s mother) that she needed cosseting and much attending. With rueful smiles Pops and Auntie Edna would admit, “No doubt Jan was a wee bit spoilt and loved to be the centre of attention.” As she danced and sang and flirted she loved too to be complimented – compliments so well deserved, especially by gentlemen – the younger the better. Recently on her first stay in hospital on a mixed ward she was looked after by male nurses. I thought she would be appalled, but not at all! She and a young nurse John obviously had a mutual admiration for each other and she thought he was wonderful.

Auntie Jan was determined and spoke her mind. We will – certainly Laura and I – thrive on the rows she gave us throughout our lives. Teaching us, and for this we can only be grateful, to keep up standards.

The past week dozens of stories about Auntie Jan have emerged, admiration abounding. She set herself goals and she achieved – studied bridge, played great golf – until she was a champion at both. In her working days she worked assiduously in her office days on the Admiralty staff. We loved her stories (exaggeration permitted!) of how she so influenced the ultimate head of her department that perhaps the whole progress of the war was influenced. Who knows?!

She was the real Anglo-Scot, so proud of her Scottish origins, but equally proud of her adopted English home – York. She knew every corner of every street. Bombing around, just weeks ago, in her motorized chair, George and I running after, she knew exactly the route, every street, every shop, every building, and stories about them all.

Perhaps we should all write down our stories and thoughts about her – what a biography that would be.

We should be hugely proud of having had her as head of the family for such a marvellous long time. And for all her friends – how lucky they were to have known her. We will miss you Auntie Jan, but for all of us always, you will be the greatest.”

For more information on my downloadable guide How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps, complete with poems, quotations, public speaking tips and money-back satisfaction guarantee, click here.

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