How to Write a Eulogy Which Truly Honours Your Loved One and Leaves People Glad to Have Heard You Speak

When people ask me how to write a eulogy I often reply – in a positive way – that that’s a bit like asking how to have a conversation. Because if someone asked you about your work, or your house, or the area you live in, you could probably talk about that very easily. And you see, talking about a person and their life is really the same thing.

For instance, imagine sitting down with someone you’ve just met and telling them about the person who has died. Imagine you telling them about the person, their character, their life, and perhaps throwing in a few stories about happy and funny times they had. This would be a very natural conversation to have, even if quite emotional.

And a eulogy is just like that. All you need do is gather some ‘building blocks’ of facts, stories, and examples of the person’s character and approach to life, and put them in an order that flows. Then add some words of introduction, some words of ending, and speak from your heart.

One dilemma you may face is when you have contradictory information about someone, perhaps where you’ve talked to a few people and found they have differing opinions. The main thing here is to honour what everyone says, without offending or flatly contradicting anybody.

When it comes to disagreements over facts, your best approach is to be vague. For example, if someone says Rose moved to London in 1947, and someone else says it was 1949, in your eulogy you can say, “In the late 1940’s, Rose moved to London.” If yet another person believes it was 1951, make it, “A few years after the war, Rose moved to London.”

For disagreements over character, it’s often wise to acknowledge the differing points of view, as otherwise some people may feel that their experience is being totally ignored. For instance, my grandfather Tom was a wonderful grandfather to me and my cousins, but not always that warm towards his own children, our parents. So I said things like, “It may be true that Tom was not always the warmest of fathers, but it’s also very clear that he loved his kids, and wanted nothing but the best for them.” Thus I didn’t badmouth Tom in any way, but at the same time I didn’t ignore or invalidate the mixed feelings that one or two of my family members had about their father. This meant that everyone’s point of view was included, which is a good thing at a time of grief and upset.

You can read my eulogy for my grandfather in full on our Eulogy Examples page.

If you’d like more guidance on this and other matters, download my short, to-the-point guide on how to write a really fitting eulogy, complete with example eulogies, poems, quotations and public speaking tips, How to Write and Deliver a Great Eulogy in 6 Simple Steps. It comes with a 100% money-back satisfaction guarantee, and you can see more here.

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